What an 8w7 wants in love: from the perspective of a Taiwanese American female stuck in her “doing” than “being”

by thefanggirl

This is going to be a fun one.

Therapy is expensive and my friend told me she used Betterhelp once—the “therapist” she spoke to on zoom was distracted and heating up her food on the phone.

Instead, I turn to writing as therapy.

I think for today, I write for myself. Maybe one day, I will read this and laugh. Maybe my sharp edges will round out and filed down. Maybe I’ll let down a couple of walls and be more vulnerable. Even if only two people read this for the whole year, I would be happy producing this essay while watching Queer Eye wrapped in a fluffy blanket.

I’m not in the mood to explain enneagrams, but I’m a 8w7.

The majority of why those classified as 8w7 is because we had to grow up quickly in our own childhoods, becoming an adult faster than we envisioned. Many of us are hyperindependent and set in our own ways of doing things efficiently. We’re good at executing and getting shit done.

What I Think Makes Us Fall in Love

Clear communication and consistency is what makes us trust you. We have high walls, but these two c’s provide a stable foundation and sure way of letting you in to get to know us better.

Small things of speaking and action makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Small surprises that are thoughtful, but not extravagant means everything. Especially when you help out without being asked—from planning travel trips, to buying groceries, or fixing things around the house for me. Depending on your love language, being obvious that you love us and want us to be in your life means a lot to us. Though we might be gruffy about it, we secretly like it.

And lastly would be your clear intention to love me to your fullest ability. That you are sure of me. That you have articulated and shown me over and over again that you are in it for real. That is the way I will love you, soften up, and become fiercely loyal, your dedicated partner and best friend.

What I Value

I don’t like mind games or being confused when it comes to relationships. I like hashing things out and moving on at the end of the day, having healthy communication styles, and being straightforward when it comes to wants or needs. I value someone who is sure of me, who can openly show and voice his affection for me, all while being consistent through acts of service and words of affirmation.

What gives me the Ick

When someone cares too much about his status and position, or what other people think of him. I perceive that as a weakness, and an irritant that I don’t want to deal with. It should not be my job to soothe you about how great you are to other people. I also don’t like softies; while I can protect and take care of softies, I don’t want to have one as a partner. I want someone with a backbone, who has his own ideals, his interests, and not afraid to challenge me when I’m being a brat. Haha.

When someone tries to control my schedule or orders me what to do. I’m not your EA nor your employee.

When someone tries to make a move when I never gave any inclinations that I’m interested. I remember one date kept leaning in closer to my face and I really hated that. My body language was off, and it irritated me that he kept trying to get closer and closer when I obviously was not into it.

Straying eyes, texting other women, or showing signs of possible infidelity in the future. Biggest ick ever. 8w7s are fiercely loyal to the people they love, and would expect the same treatment.

What scares me

Losing control of my emotions and losing my walls. I don’t want to be vulnerable nor do I want to let someone see who I truly am because that is the scariest thing ever. But to be loved and to be in love…that requires being vulnerable. It will take a lot for 8w7s to ever let someone see that side of them.


Not everyone can handle an 8w7. We are a bit blunt and straightforward, perhaps rough around the edges, but we give a love that is unexplainable. I hope you found this interesting or thought-provoking. If you’re another 8w7, hello and wishing you the best in whatever you’re trying to accomplish (because I know you’re probably chasing something right now).



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