I think my mom believes I got laid off.
No one in their right mind would quit a job at a marquee tech company just like that—right?
But I would.
As I peer at myself in the mirror from time to time, I sift through my black hair, which is laced with white strands. I remember the anxiety I used to have going to bed and waking up in Singapore. Putting out fires. Fixing user issues. Drinking 5 shots of expresso. Working on weekends. Explaining myself to the executive team. It was…exhausting.
When I usually come to a decision, it will be made swiftly. That’s my personality. From attending SF State without initially visiting the campus, to extending college by a year to study Mandarin at Peking University without looking back, and to stay in Singapore during the pandemic. Does she not know her daughter well?
My whole life has been riddled with extreme decision making. It was either a direct “no” or a 500% “yes”, sometimes fueled by a fiery drive for change or red hot anger. It usually is never with careful contemplation and or thoughtful mulling.
These days, I’ve been doing quiet inward reflection because I do think there is benefit to being a bit more thoughtful when it comes to making hard decisions. Does that come with age? Or maybe I’m tired of fighting fire with petrol.
“B*tch, let’s design your life!” I tell myself and eagerly open my new book to start following the practices in the book. I am reading the below book on how to design your life; written by Stanford professors, this book has helped thousands pivot and reframe their mind on what a meaningful life looks like.
It’s been 10 months since I quit my job—now what?
When I think about the amount of rest I’ve done, I don’t think there’s been a lot. When I think about the amount of play I’ve done, it’s a lot. This itself has helped me be more creative, to stretch my interests, and to explore parts of my identity I didn’t know I had. Sometimes I joke around that I enjoy my life a little bit too much, but “leisure without study is death—a tomb for the living person.”
Ya damn right, I quoted Seneca.
I don’t want to cruise in life and just get by. I want to be challenged and build craft. While I don’t want to climb a corporate ladder nor want status, I have my own ambitions on living a fulfilling and comfortable life. I’m a 8w7 so I work hard for my independence and security, which I would like to come in the form of stealth wealth.
Odyssey Plan: the three versions of you
1. Life One—The Thing You Want to do.
2. Life Two—That Thing You’d Do If Thing One Were Suddenly Gone.
3. Life Three—The Thing You’d Do or the Life You’d Live If Money or Image Were not Object.
My shortened three versions included:
1. Continue being a consultant and pick up more contracting projects while being location flexible for long durations in new cities. I honestly don’t like solo travel, so I’d probably join a group tour or plan something with my friends. I also came back to Cali to settle down and intentionally date more, but it’s hard and I wonder if it’s holding me back from my potential (haha).
2. Go back into tech full-time that sits in the travel space so I have somewhat of a steady income, attain health insurance, and sign a one year lease in San Francisco while traveling out to places from time to time.
3. I go back to Asia (probably Taiwan) and build multiple businesses including a media company, organic tea line, and try another year of being a content creator full-time, and spend time with family.
I think one of my biggest reframes was “it’s all or nothing as a creator,” but I also realize I can find a less intensive job and use that salary to fund my passion projects or more. One of the bigger reframes I’m thinking of is…that I don’t need to live in San Francisco. The more I am here, the less I believe this place could ever be my soul city. I’m prototyping right now as we speak, and using my more free time to see what I lean towards.
From the book itself »
Dysfunctional belief: I need to figure out my best possible life, make a plan, and then execute it.
Reframe: There are multiple great lives (and plans) within me, and I get to choose which one to build my way forward to next.
Provocative Brain Snacks as I Chomp my Way Through Calbee Shrimp Chips and Type with a Finger
- Why You Should Give Up Your Dreams – goal fusion is when we get stuck on a certain dream for our future and become fixated on closing the gap between our dreams and reality. When this happens, we become disconnected from the work we’re doing in the present and may not realize when our dreams are leading us off course.
- The Transformational Energy Shift as I’m Nearing 30s – an internal monologue written by yours truly on my shift from being hyperindependent to wanting to love something or someone other than myself
Hope you enjoyed this newsletter! Though my subscriber count here is small, I appreciate your support—it feels cozy and warm. I hope you enjoy my writings as I try to write here as if I’m writing to friends and am really exercising my writer’s muscle. Hope this email finds you well and healthy.
Over and out,
Em
